You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
