God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
