I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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