Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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