Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
