do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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