i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
