Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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