It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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