We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
