The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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