can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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