I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
