Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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