I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
