Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
