You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
soo... how was my night?
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