She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
