The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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