just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
worst night to have a conscience
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
