i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
