I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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