idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
