piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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