Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
