he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
