ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
