i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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