Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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