I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
