It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
