Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
