I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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