Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
