the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
