i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
