We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
