I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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