Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
True strength comes from lack of pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
