anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
