Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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