My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
