oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
