As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I AM VODKA MAN
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
