dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
