I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
