i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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