Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
