i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
