They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
