My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hippo gnu deer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
