dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
