I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.