Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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