i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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