he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
