The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
