Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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