Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
