Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
