sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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