even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
