We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
cat food counts as protein by the way
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
