Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
