just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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