I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
