hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
