I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
