I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
