I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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