Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
