You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
