dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
