Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
