I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
