i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
