What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize