His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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