Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
