And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
