I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
