I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
