Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
