I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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