i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
