Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
