Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
