I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
