Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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