Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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