a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
