thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize