I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
