So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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