It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
