ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
