i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
